Our lives are not our own.

Follow our family's journey as we give up the "American Dream" to live and love in Uganda.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth

I have promised to be 100% honest on this blog. I think for the most part I am. I mean there are somethings that are private and nobody's business... but I just read my last couple of blog posts and realized they may not be an accurate representation of Beth Howard.

I get angry often.
My kids make me CRAZY!
Today I dropped the "f" bomb more than once. (so not proud of that)
I took a zanax when I had to say goodbye to my mom.
I watch Housewives of Orange County to feel better about myself.

I do not know who reads this blog...there seem to be some serious lurkers. But these are some things you might not know about me. And might wish you never knew.

Our friend preached a message and used us as an example of someone following God despite the cost. He made us sound a lot better than I feel we may be. I mean, we are much better than we were but still.

This crap is really hard.


Some days, I can barely speak, I am so overwhelmed. The moving, the goodbyes, the kindness... it jacks me BIG TIME! I am so scared some days I can't stand it. It really messes with your head. Living life with no plan, no job, no insurance, no retirement, no real savings. I mean, Who does that????

And then in one day God gives us 1600 dollars. seriously?!?!?!
Does He know I just dropped the "F" bomb???


  1. I'll join in on your 'life is hard' party...especially a life following God but the key is your doing it even though it's hard...only a real God with a real purpose would drive you to such madness.
    If it makes you feel any better, we have no insurance, retirement, or savings either...

  2. Also I would rather there be more Christians dropping the 'F' bomb than ones that aren't answering God's call to reach people.

  3. I am a lurker, and although I currently show up as from the US, all the hits from the Middle East (Qatar) are me. Just so you know. One less lurker to worry about.

  4. oh how I love you Clare! Such logic and passion even in regard to my potty mouth :)

    Lindsay...I am a HUGE lurker. I read blogs like crazy, including yours. Your daughter is beautiful!

  5. Wow! Just came across your blog via the 60 feet f/book page. Some of your posts could've been written by me, my husband & I are also at the place of laying it all on the line to do whatever it takes to love God & truely love others(not just give him what we can spare)& go wherever He wants us to go. As a result we're selling up & heading to Uganda beginning of next year with our bunch of kids. Would love to get in touch - maybe via f/book. Not sure exactly when you're heading over, but praying you guys have a smooth transition & know Gods protection, provision & guidance :)

  6. I love you Beth Howard. I have nothing creative to say. I just love you.



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Las Vegas, Nevada, United States