D.C. by Laney

It was so hard to say goodbye to all the people I love. I was an emotional wreck last night. But D.C is great! It is so cool. It was cloudy and humid. I am likeing it a lot. The greenery is really pretty.
There is some people I didn't get to say bye to that i really wish i could have. I wish I could bring them with me. But I guess goodbye is a part of life that most of us wish we didn't have to do.
I an really happy that god has an unbeatable plan. If I had the plan for my life it would stink! I can barley manage my Facebook! I totally trust god and I know that he has a perfect plan which is always really good to know. I think that I worry about everything too much... and here I am writing about trusting god. I think that is one of the things I need to work on. I pray for that to happen daily.
I know it sounds kinda weird but I use to think asking God for stuff was selfish when there are sooo many orphans in the world who have nothing but recently God has showed me it is ok to want stuff. And lately God has givin me soo much but I remember this verse that said ask and you shall receive and it goes on ...

Luke 11:9 “And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. 10 For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.

I am glad I have a God who knows my wants and need.



-Laney

Hey God.

I am having a really hard day. Can You help me? It is so easy for me to depend on You for all of the big stuff. But I am so worried about the little stuff. The suitcases being to heavy, the children freaking out on the plane, getting to the capitol building at 8 am, having the right documents copied and stored, tying the loose ends at home....can You help me with all of that stuff too? I am so weary and our journey has not yet begun. I can feel the wave of emotion coming but I am scared to let it flow. Will You hold me close and be my daddy? I am really sad and lonely. Even though there are so many people around. Did You feel like that when You were here? It's been so busy lately and I miss just sitting in your presence. I need you.
Thank you for my Jeremy. You really out did Yourself there. Can You help him too? He is doing a great job caring for us but I'm a little worried about him too. Give him what he needs. Speak to Him through Your word as he leads our family. And please be with the children. My heart hurts for them. Each one of them is dealing with their emotions differently and sometimes I don't know what to do or how to help them. Please be their comfort and strength. Give them the grace they need to get through this transition. Protect them God, physically and mentally and spiritually. Help them to keep their innocence Lord. This seems like too much for them but I trust You and Your will for our family.
Thank You for Your provision. Thank You for Your peace.
I do so love You.
Amen.

Jeremy Howard and the terrible, horrible, no good very bad day.

My poor husband.

Wow, his day sucked today! His life in general is quite hard, though I may never tell him that. It started with a sleeping in wife and three loud children, and quickly progressed into a complete redo of yucky paperwork for the secretary of state, a couple hundred dollars in fees (that shouldn't have been because he did the paperwork before), and sprinkled in was a trip to the locksmith, 3 calls to tmobile for phone problems, a cranky wife, and seven kids.

LUCKILY

The day ended great. We had a combined birthday party for our July babies. It was so much fun! We are really blessed beyond measure with friends and family who love and support us. Our kids were spoiled rotten and our non birthday children celebrated without much envy or tantrums. (in our house this is no small miracle!)

I keep trying to enjoy every second of everyday that I am here. It is not so easy. Life is hard. It always makes me think of Jesus. It cracks me up that people thought He was a drunk and a glutton.(Luke 7:31-34) I love that about Him. But Jesus did not have a life of luxury or laziness. His life was hard. Right up until His even harder death. I have a hard time "taking up my cross daily and following Him" but I want to be a disciple. I really want my life to reflect my commitment to and love for Jesus.

I am never sure who reads my blog. I don't know if you are familiar with Jesus or the story of His life but I am changed by it. Hopefully more and more and more and more until people don't really see me, but see Jesus in me. If you read this and consider yourself a Christian, or someone who follows the teachings of Jesus, will you read this passage today? And will you ask God what it is He wants from you?

Luke 9 (New International Version)

Jesus Sends Out the Twelve
1When Jesus had called the Twelve together, he gave them power and authority to drive out all demons and to cure diseases, 2and he sent them out to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick. 3He told them: "Take nothing for the journey—no staff, no bag, no bread, no money, no extra tunic. 4Whatever house you enter, stay there until you leave that town. 5If people do not welcome you, shake the dust off your feet when you leave their town, as a testimony against them." 6So they set out and went from village to village, preaching the gospel and healing people everywhere.

7Now Herod the tetrarch heard about all that was going on. And he was perplexed, because some were saying that John had been raised from the dead, 8others that Elijah had appeared, and still others that one of the prophets of long ago had come back to life. 9But Herod said, "I beheaded John. Who, then, is this I hear such things about?" And he tried to see him.

Jesus Feeds the Five Thousand
10When the apostles returned, they reported to Jesus what they had done. Then he took them with him and they withdrew by themselves to a town called Bethsaida, 11but the crowds learned about it and followed him. He welcomed them and spoke to them about the kingdom of God, and healed those who needed healing.

12Late in the afternoon the Twelve came to him and said, "Send the crowd away so they can go to the surrounding villages and countryside and find food and lodging, because we are in a remote place here."

13He replied, "You give them something to eat."

They answered, "We have only five loaves of bread and two fish—unless we go and buy food for all this crowd." 14(About five thousand men were there.)

But he said to his disciples, "Have them sit down in groups of about fifty each." 15The disciples did so, and everybody sat down. 16Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke them. Then he gave them to the disciples to set before the people. 17They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over.
Peter's Confession of Christ
18Once when Jesus was praying in private and his disciples were with him, he asked them, "Who do the crowds say I am?"

19They replied, "Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, that one of the prophets of long ago has come back to life."

20"But what about you?" he asked. "Who do you say I am?"
Peter answered, "The Christ[a] of God."

21Jesus strictly warned them not to tell this to anyone. 22And he said, "The Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life."

23Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. 24For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. 25What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self? 26If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels. 27I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the kingdom of God."

the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth

I have promised to be 100% honest on this blog. I think for the most part I am. I mean there are somethings that are private and nobody's business... but I just read my last couple of blog posts and realized they may not be an accurate representation of Beth Howard.

I get angry often.
My kids make me CRAZY!
Today I dropped the "f" bomb more than once. (so not proud of that)
I took a zanax when I had to say goodbye to my mom.
I watch Housewives of Orange County to feel better about myself.

I do not know who reads this blog...there seem to be some serious lurkers. But these are some things you might not know about me. And might wish you never knew.

Our friend preached a message and used us as an example of someone following God despite the cost. He made us sound a lot better than I feel we may be. I mean, we are much better than we were but still.

This crap is really hard.

H
A
R
D

Some days, I can barely speak, I am so overwhelmed. The moving, the goodbyes, the kindness... it jacks me BIG TIME! I am so scared some days I can't stand it. It really messes with your head. Living life with no plan, no job, no insurance, no retirement, no real savings. I mean, Who does that????

And then in one day God gives us 1600 dollars. seriously?!?!?!
Does He know I just dropped the "F" bomb???

Things are moving right along.

As I type this everything we own is in the back of a pickup truck parked in our "old" driveway or in the millenium falcon.(our very large 12 passenger van) After garage sales and giveaways, we have finally made it! We are out of our house and on our way. A huge step closer to Africa and a huge step away from our old life.

It has been great to have Jeremy home. We for sure butt heads as we try to figure out our roles as full time co parents. I have noticed a huge difference in our kids attitude and behavior. We all love Jeremy so much. He really is the best.

I am writing tonight from the Barbie Dream House. God has blessed us yet again beyond our wildest dreams. My sweet friend and her awesome husband gave us refuge in their beautiful pool house. Seriously, the kids are in heaven. We came today to get the keys and drop off some bags and then we all just sat in the living room and thanked God for His provision. I LOVE WALKING IN FAITH! Today, anyway.

I am so grateful that we serve a God who loves us. A God who knows us. A God who wants to take care of us. A God who is close to us. I didn't really believe all of that before. I didn't think I was worth it. I didn't think I needed it. I was scared to trust God with some things. But the Lord has won me over with his faithfulness. I will forever sing the Praises of my God. I realize this may sound churchy to some of you who read this. I hate churchy. But I feel like one of those lovesick teenagers at the Twilight movies.

Totally and irrevocably in love with my Savior.