Sunday, March 21, 2010
“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.”
I don't know much about Anatole France, the man who wrote these words but I am painfully aware of the melancholy of change. As I sit here faced with so much uncertainty I am beyond overwhelmed. I have longed for, prayed for, dreamed of becoming a missionary. Since I was a little girl my heart has been burdened for the poor and for the orphaned. I remember making my mom call Feed The Children and pledge all of the change I had saved in my Swiss Miss coffee can to help feed the starving children of Ethiopia. I thought my dreams were realized when I got to leave the country and spend two weeks loving kids and teenagers in Ireland. When I went to Africa two years later I felt I could die happy. And now here we are, my family and I, preparing to leave the best job we have ever had, while things are still going great, because God is calling us on. I feel like part of me is really dying. Sometimes it is hard to catch my breathe. The future seems so daunting. Yet I know that God is with me. He never changes. He loves me. He has a plan for my life. He is working things out for us. My life is not my own. It belongs to my Savior. My Creator. The lifter of my head.