Our lives are not our own.

Follow our family's journey as we give up the "American Dream" to live and love in Uganda.

Thursday, September 17, 2009


Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion, often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety.


Something that is carried.

1. Something that is emotionally difficult to bear.
2. A source of great worry or stress; weight:

A responsibility or duty.

I am Obsessed.
I am so heavily Burdened.

I think about orphans everyday. Children big and little with no parents to care for them, or to love them, or to teach them. It is seriously overwhelming at times. I know God has given each of us a burden. For some of my friends it is the unborn or the environment or keeping the gays from being able to marry... I don't have much time to think about any of those things because I am so obsessed with the orphans. I want it to stop. I keep trying to give it back to God. What else can I do God? What can I do?
Today I will pray. I will pray for the children who may never have their own mother or father. I will pray for families in the process of their adoption. I will pray for the Grandmas trying their best to care for their Grandchildren. Mostly I will pray that we all come to find the Precious Savior who adopts us into His family.

Ephesians 1:3-6

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Baby Button

Romans 8:28 (The Message)
26-28Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

My baby Jemma is about to turn two. She was a totally surprise to us...especially to me. With all of the other children there was some time of preparation. With three of them it was the nine months I was pregnant, with one it was my courtship with his father, and with two it was whispers from God and through much prayer that we were able to prepare.
The phone call came without warning although I was waiting for a call. It was September 24th 2008 and the court hearing for our foster baby Sam. We had loved him and prayed over him for nine long months and on this day we were to find out if he would be ours forever. On the other end of the line was a dear friend who is also a social worker and what she told me was unfathomable. Our Sammy's mother had come to the court hearing that day to fight for her rights to remain Sams parent and while she was there went into labor in the courtroom with Sammy's sister. My friend was asking me if we would be willing to bring home the baby for 2 weeks until her father took a paternity test and got custody. My heart was screaming NO!!!!! but I heard my voice say yes. This was overwhelming to me because it meant we would now have to wait to find out if we would be able to adopt Sam and also because I didn't know if my heart could love another baby that may end up going back home. My sweet husband told me we would love this baby with no reservation for as long as we were to have her. He said although we don't know the future God does and He will help us with whatever the outcome. I know you are probably thinking awww what an amazing man... All I could think was how he slept so soundly while I did the midnight feedings with all of our children! This was no joke. In the last year our family had gone from being large with 4 kids to being out of control with 6. What would i do with a baby? I don't even like babies! I am a youth leader! Well 12 days later I went with a precious friend to pick up our new baby from the hospital. She was so little and cute. We dubbed her Baby Button. She was by far the worst baby we ever had. She experienced withdraw symptoms as she had been born drug exposed. It was quite literally hell. For times sake I will not explain all of this but bring you up to date. Our little baby is turning two this month. She is the apple of her daddy's eye. Not her biological father (who never took the paternity test and whose paternal rights were terminated by the judge on the grounds of abandonment) but by the only father she has ever known. She is still technically an orphan as we have not yet finished the adoption process. But my little orphaned baby has been here with us from the beginning of her life. Isn't God amazing.

Sidenote: Our babies biological mother is still apart of their lives. She is a welcome addition to our family and we are so thankful to have a relationship with her.

Romans 8:28 (New Living Translation)
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

i know 2 things...

So I have alot of kids...but each one of them is an individual. They have their own personalities, tastes, and abilities. But they are all my children. I love them so much. One of the hardest parts of being a mom to a large family is there never seems to be enough of me to go around. God used this to teach me an amazing lesson. I was weeping, like snot dripping crying. I felt so alone. I cried out to God and immediately He showed up. You see I loose sleep over orphaned children. I see their faces every night. It is a burden I can not explain except that God has removed their anonymity through the blending of my own family. God came to me and clearly spoke...As a mother you assess the situation and go to the child that needs you the most at that moment. But I am not hindered by humanness. I can be with the children who are hungry in Africa and at the same time be close to the widows in their loneliness. I am God. Your grief is no less significant to me. I love you. I am your father... Even as I write this I sense His presence. I am so overwhelmed by the depth of Gods love for me. With all He has on His plate He still has time for me. There are only two things of which I am very sure. 1. God has loved me with an everlasting love. I have at times tried to separate myself from Him. But He is always there. 2. He loves you just the same. One of my very favorite verses in the bible says this, " God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8 There is no such thing as being good enough. God will meet you wherever you are in whatever circumstance because He loves you.

James 1:27 (New International Version)

27Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

9 month school means 3 month vacation..

I have been laying awake at night dreading summer vacation. Literally, staying up late listening to the quiet, knowing my impending doom is just around the corner. Crying and rocking back and forth in the corner...no not really. It is not that I don't like my kids. Quite the contrary. They are super and amazing. There are just so many of them!!! Here is our latest family photo. Don't let the smiles fool you. They HATE picture day.

So anyway. Summer Vacation is going SO GREAT! I am having the best time. The kids are getting along (which is nothing short of a Red Sea parting miracle.) I haven't heard,"I'm bored. There's nothing to do..." And last but not least the free movies that are showing are entertaining even to me. I tell you what. Life is good.


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Las Vegas, Nevada, United States