oh dear...

We are in the final crunch time. Our sweet friends will be moving into our house this weekend. I should take a picture to show you how HORRIBLE it looks in here but I am just too tired to get up and do it.

The last ten days have been full of things I thought would never happen.
1. My older children went on a trip with their Grandparents for 7 whole days!
2. We sent off for our visas.
3. We said goodbye to our students and church family and to our dear friends who will be church planting in Vermont. (lots of tears. very sad.)
4. We took our babies to a Geneticist and found out they have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

I never thought my life would be like this. I have grieved this week for my children. The healthy ones, and the "special" ones. I have cried because I am not sure if I can be a good mother to my kids with their many different needs. Jeremy and I chose this life with open eyes. My babies did nothing wrong and yet they will be the ones living with the consequences of their mothers choices. I'm not mad at her... I have wept for her in all of this because she is so broken and sad too. My older kids will also be affected by this diagnosis. It is really scary not knowing what to expect.

I have cried for the loss of normalcy as we count down the days to Africa. While I was packing I came across a picture of my hair when it was cute and it made me cry. Ridiculous, I know, but here I sit ready to cry over it again. I hate change and I just want to stay comfortable!

But I can't.
I won't.

God has called us on. We will be obedient. For no other reason than this. God has restored our life to us. Jeremy and I have made it through addiction, being a blended family, unemployment, success, and failure...all because of the grace of God. We gladly give Him our lives because He is the one who has helped us to really live.

He will take care of our children.
He will comfort us through these changes.
He will be enough for us.
He will meet our every need.
He will be Matty's father while we are gone.


Psalm 23
A psalm of David.
1 The Lord is my shepherd;
I have all that I need.
2 He lets me rest in green meadows;
he leads me beside peaceful streams.
3 He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
bringing honor to his name.
4 Even when I walk
through the darkest valley,[a]
I will not be afraid,
for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
protect and comfort me.
5 You prepare a feast for me
in the presence of my enemies.
You honor me by anointing my head with oil.
My cup overflows with blessings.
6 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord
forever.