Tuesday, June 15, 2010
(sung to the tune of Changes by Black Sabbath)
I don't really like change.
I am totally a creature of habit.
I have been drinking iced venti Americano's since before my children where born. My kids can all order my drink perfectly and many times they do! When there are too many little ones to take out of the car for my fix I send in a big kid.
I use the same brand of makeup from the grocery store that I have used for 8 years.
I have had the same favorite color since the 2nd grade.(Blue)
I am just that way. I like that some things never change. I love having a history with the people at my church. I love running into people at the store even when I have on my ugly clothes and no makeup. I love that my kids go to my old elementary school. I especially love not having to explain myself when I have a freak out because my friends know I will be back from crazy town soon.
I am going to miss my life terribly.
I am so busy lately and I hate it because I don't want to miss one opportunity to drink coffee with a friend, or have a lingering phone conversation. I hated missing church when we were out of town last weekend because I wasn't there to sing with the praise band. I am so frustrated that I have to spend three days next week in a doctors office instead of watching my kids play with their friends at the water park. I want to savor every moment I have left of this chapter in my life.
I am fighting off depression as I am trying to embrace the changes.
I am working hard at using my tools that God has given me through Celebrate Recovery and counseling. I usually just shut people out so leaving doesn't hurt so bad. But I don't want to regret those lost moments. So I am feeling my feelings, as ugly as they are. Surprisingly there are many good feelings too. I am honestly very excited for our new adventure. It is amazing to see the ways God is providing for us, and pouring His love out on us. We are incredibly blessed by our Father. That will be another post, I promise. But change is always hard on me.
I am comforted by the fact that my Jesus felt loss. He understands us little humans. As a man, He felt all of what we feel.
I am so grateful that I can come BOLDLY to His throne of grace.
And Grace is what He is giving me everyday. Perfect grace to finish up this moving process, to get through all the paperwork and red tape that it takes to leave the country. Grace to help my children as they struggle with the change that is here. Thank you friends for praying for us. Thank you for all of your support and love.
Oh, I almost forgot...
I wrote this blog tonight because Jeremy has almost finished our website. It is beautiful and amazing. Actually he is beautiful and amazing! Jeremy has been working really hard at organizing everything and it should be up and running very soon. All of the blogging from now on will be there. I really needed to write a final blog from dangthatsalotofkids before it is another thing that is gone. Did I mention I hate change?