The countdown has begun...
Only 3 weeks till I leave my beloved Uganda. I think I have moved past grief to acceptance. I am defiantly sitting in the wonder of it. I got to live in Africa with my family. A dream come true. So now the dream I can surrender.
How amazing that God sees us and knows us.
When I got married at nineteen, I still believed in dreaming. At the age of twenty four with four kids, I started to let go of my dreams. When I found myself turning 30 with seven children, I gave up dreaming because I was stuck in a nightmare.
Some how.
Slowly
by
Slowly
God has awakened my heart to dream.
He is giving me the courage to see beyond myself.
Past me I find HIM. The reason for dreaming. The one in whom I hope. The giver of all good things.
My Savior.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
December in Uganda
I love living in a foreign land.
It is so challenging to me in so many ways. I am grateful for the challenges. I don't want to be the same. I love it when I have to think about why I do what I do, and is there a different way? To live, to love, to celebrate, to worship...
Christmastime in Uganda is so very different than the States.
1. It is HOT.
We got here in the summer (July) and it is getting hotter each month. We are NOT having hot chocolate or sitting by a fire. We are sitting in front of a fan with cold water!
2. Shopping.
We do have a mall. We go there sometimes for a bite to eat or to the "big" grocery store that is there but NEVER would I buy clothes there. For clothes we go to Owino Market. Picture a garage sale/flea market/salvation army X a million. Cause that's how many people are there... There are no Carols playing or beautiful displays, just shouting and shoving and very bad smells.
3. No Holiday programs or Festivities.
I saw a couple of Christmas tree's in a grocery store but other than that there are no Christmas tree lots. No Lights or lawn decorations. No kids singing Happy Birthday Jesus...(lol Melissa) No nativity out on display. Our schedule is not crazy with parties or events.
4. List for Santa.
My kids have not asked for a million things for Christmas this year. I am sure it has something to do with the fact that all of their friends have tattered clothing and live without running water or power. But also, We have NO television. No commercials. No Target. No mall Santa. We are so removed from all of the pressure to buy. I am praying we find a Santa to take a picture with but only if he is black! I want an African Santa in Africa!
5. Our family.
We are far from our family. That makes it feel like its not Christmas. The internet is amazing, but it is not the same as gathering for a meal, or baking cookies, or caroling. We love you family. We miss you so very much! Thank you for sending gifts and showing us love while we are far away. We will see you soon!
It is so challenging to me in so many ways. I am grateful for the challenges. I don't want to be the same. I love it when I have to think about why I do what I do, and is there a different way? To live, to love, to celebrate, to worship...
Christmastime in Uganda is so very different than the States.
1. It is HOT.
We got here in the summer (July) and it is getting hotter each month. We are NOT having hot chocolate or sitting by a fire. We are sitting in front of a fan with cold water!
2. Shopping.
We do have a mall. We go there sometimes for a bite to eat or to the "big" grocery store that is there but NEVER would I buy clothes there. For clothes we go to Owino Market. Picture a garage sale/flea market/salvation army X a million. Cause that's how many people are there... There are no Carols playing or beautiful displays, just shouting and shoving and very bad smells.
3. No Holiday programs or Festivities.
I saw a couple of Christmas tree's in a grocery store but other than that there are no Christmas tree lots. No Lights or lawn decorations. No kids singing Happy Birthday Jesus...(lol Melissa) No nativity out on display. Our schedule is not crazy with parties or events.
4. List for Santa.
My kids have not asked for a million things for Christmas this year. I am sure it has something to do with the fact that all of their friends have tattered clothing and live without running water or power. But also, We have NO television. No commercials. No Target. No mall Santa. We are so removed from all of the pressure to buy. I am praying we find a Santa to take a picture with but only if he is black! I want an African Santa in Africa!
5. Our family.
We are far from our family. That makes it feel like its not Christmas. The internet is amazing, but it is not the same as gathering for a meal, or baking cookies, or caroling. We love you family. We miss you so very much! Thank you for sending gifts and showing us love while we are far away. We will see you soon!
Merry Christmas
Can you hear the baby crying?
that’s the sound of God denying himself
Taking on the form of man in flesh
Can you see the virgin weeping?
That’s the pain required for keeping God’s great promise
to deliver us from death
Merry Christmas to all mankind
The King is coming just in time
Into the dark, His light will shine so bright and beautiful
Merry Christmas to all
Can you hear the angels singing?
Oh that’s the sound of freedom reigning and ringing
Like a bell declaring peace, the war has ended
Can you see the shepherds coming?
Like a prophecy, a symbol of His prodigal, returning
to the father who, so humbly, condescended
Merry Christmas to all mankind
The King is coming just in time
Into the dark, His light will shine so bright and beautiful
Merry Christmas to all
Can we hear the nations crying?
Or have we closed our ears? Somehow justifying
how we celebrate the humble birth of Jesus
Do we see the poor and hungry?
Will we meet their needs? Or close our eyes and spend our money
on things we know will never satisfy us
Merry Christmas to all mankind
The King is coming just in time
Into the dark, His light will shine so bright and beautiful
Merry Christmas to all
words and music by ross king ©2010 ross king
that’s the sound of God denying himself
Taking on the form of man in flesh
Can you see the virgin weeping?
That’s the pain required for keeping God’s great promise
to deliver us from death
Merry Christmas to all mankind
The King is coming just in time
Into the dark, His light will shine so bright and beautiful
Merry Christmas to all
Can you hear the angels singing?
Oh that’s the sound of freedom reigning and ringing
Like a bell declaring peace, the war has ended
Can you see the shepherds coming?
Like a prophecy, a symbol of His prodigal, returning
to the father who, so humbly, condescended
Merry Christmas to all mankind
The King is coming just in time
Into the dark, His light will shine so bright and beautiful
Merry Christmas to all
Can we hear the nations crying?
Or have we closed our ears? Somehow justifying
how we celebrate the humble birth of Jesus
Do we see the poor and hungry?
Will we meet their needs? Or close our eyes and spend our money
on things we know will never satisfy us
Merry Christmas to all mankind
The King is coming just in time
Into the dark, His light will shine so bright and beautiful
Merry Christmas to all
words and music by ross king ©2010 ross king
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
it's so hard to say good bye
Hey everyone,
We trust you all are doing well. Thank you so much for all the prayers and kind words and financial donations that have supported the ministry we have been doing in Uganda. Our lives will never be the same because of what we experience on a daily basis here.
For the next two months, we plan on continuing what we have been involved in... feeding the poor, helping the children, and supporting other believers in Kampala. We have really been searching the Lord’s will for our lives, through prayer and fasting and asking some people much wiser than ourselves for some advice.
What we have come up with is the following: We are flying home in January to relocate to Las Vegas. We are actively looking for areas of town to minister to. Jeremy is going to work tax season to get us back on our feet, and then begin a faith community in the neighborhood we will live in. Beth will be planning a mission trip back to Uganda that will occur in August. We will continue our ministry we have begun in Kampala. We are in the process of putting into place an organization that will continue to feed the street kids we have been interacting with and continue helping them get an education. Our website now has a section for child sponsorship so a family can pseudo adopt a child who needs help.
We have really struggled with this decision, but feel it is what is best for our family. We do not view our stay here as a waste of time, effort, or money. We have lived through things and learned things that we never would have were it not for us heeding Jesus’ call to come. Uganda will always be with us, and we will have an ongoing relationship with the people here. We covet your prayers through this transition. We so appreciate your friendship and support. We love you all.
The Howard’s
We trust you all are doing well. Thank you so much for all the prayers and kind words and financial donations that have supported the ministry we have been doing in Uganda. Our lives will never be the same because of what we experience on a daily basis here.
For the next two months, we plan on continuing what we have been involved in... feeding the poor, helping the children, and supporting other believers in Kampala. We have really been searching the Lord’s will for our lives, through prayer and fasting and asking some people much wiser than ourselves for some advice.
What we have come up with is the following: We are flying home in January to relocate to Las Vegas. We are actively looking for areas of town to minister to. Jeremy is going to work tax season to get us back on our feet, and then begin a faith community in the neighborhood we will live in. Beth will be planning a mission trip back to Uganda that will occur in August. We will continue our ministry we have begun in Kampala. We are in the process of putting into place an organization that will continue to feed the street kids we have been interacting with and continue helping them get an education. Our website now has a section for child sponsorship so a family can pseudo adopt a child who needs help.
We have really struggled with this decision, but feel it is what is best for our family. We do not view our stay here as a waste of time, effort, or money. We have lived through things and learned things that we never would have were it not for us heeding Jesus’ call to come. Uganda will always be with us, and we will have an ongoing relationship with the people here. We covet your prayers through this transition. We so appreciate your friendship and support. We love you all.
The Howard’s
Monday, November 15, 2010
Psalm 139
It is probably not very good bloggmanship to just post what other people write but I am so humbled by the love of God. It seems God is continually renewing my mind and removing my character defects. Even the ones I have thought were long gone. I still struggle with self hatred. Harsh right? Well we could call it something more pc...self esteem, low self worth, image issues. It comes down to not feeling worthy of Gods love. Trying hard to be better than I really am. Isn't it crazy that God already knows everything about me! I cannot hide the bad stuff from Him. Yet again with this Psalm He reminds me so gently that it is not about me but all about Him. His perfect love.
Psalm 139
1 O Lord, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.
2 You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
3 You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
4 You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, Lord.
5 You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!
7 I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!
8 If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave,[a] you are there.
9 If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.
11 I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—
12 but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.
13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16 You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
17 How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
18 I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!
19 O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!
Get out of my life, you murderers!
20 They blaspheme you;
your enemies misuse your name.
21 O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you?
Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you?
22 Yes, I hate them with total hatred,
for your enemies are my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.
Psalm 139
1 O Lord, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.
2 You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
3 You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
4 You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, Lord.
5 You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!
7 I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!
8 If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave,[a] you are there.
9 If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.
11 I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—
12 but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.
13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16 You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
17 How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
18 I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!
19 O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!
Get out of my life, you murderers!
20 They blaspheme you;
your enemies misuse your name.
21 O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you?
Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you?
22 Yes, I hate them with total hatred,
for your enemies are my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.
Friday, November 12, 2010
i miss sleep
I can't sleep...not at night anyway.
I just lay here.
Sometimes I surf the internet or read blogs.
I pray ALOT when I can't sleep.
When I lived in Vegas and couldn't sleep I would redecorate my house in my mind.
Since I have been here, I worry. I just lay awake and worry. I worry about my homeboyz, I wonder if they are staying dry while I listen to the rain fall outside my window. Most of them live in shacks with no real roof. I worry about my kids and the issues they face because of fetal alcohol syndrome. I worry about our oldest son, because he is 16, and driving. I worry about the future because I have no idea what will happen. Even though it is a sin...I worry. So tonight I am choosing to meditate on this:
Matthew 6:34 (New International Version)
34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
and this
Philippians 4:6
6-7Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.
and this one
1 John 4:18 (New International Version)
18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
So God,
I guess if you don't need me to help you. I will go to bed now.
Thanks for taking care of everything. Please do a miracle and keep the kids dry through this storm. I pray that the Holy Spirit would comfort me and them and give us all peace. Thanks for healing my babies a little more each day and for keeping Matty safe. I sure do love you.
B
I just lay here.
Sometimes I surf the internet or read blogs.
I pray ALOT when I can't sleep.
When I lived in Vegas and couldn't sleep I would redecorate my house in my mind.
Since I have been here, I worry. I just lay awake and worry. I worry about my homeboyz, I wonder if they are staying dry while I listen to the rain fall outside my window. Most of them live in shacks with no real roof. I worry about my kids and the issues they face because of fetal alcohol syndrome. I worry about our oldest son, because he is 16, and driving. I worry about the future because I have no idea what will happen. Even though it is a sin...I worry. So tonight I am choosing to meditate on this:
Matthew 6:34 (New International Version)
34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
and this
Philippians 4:6
6-7Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.
and this one
1 John 4:18 (New International Version)
18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
So God,
I guess if you don't need me to help you. I will go to bed now.
Thanks for taking care of everything. Please do a miracle and keep the kids dry through this storm. I pray that the Holy Spirit would comfort me and them and give us all peace. Thanks for healing my babies a little more each day and for keeping Matty safe. I sure do love you.
B
Monday, November 8, 2010
Communion
The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread,and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, “This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me.” In the same way, after supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me.” For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes.
I sat there on the wooden bench, tears streaming down my face. I could barely take the bread from the passing tray. My vision was blurred and my heart was aching. I didn't expect the emotion to swell up and spill down my face. It took me by surprise.
My sin cost Jesus His life. But because of His blood I am able to approach GOD without guilt or shame. It's too much.
Jesus knew. He knew what He was facing, and He chose to follow through.
Recently, I have lost sight of my purpose. I have been feeling lost. The last couple of days I have been having a hard time seeing anything clearly.
Taking Communion with my African brothers and sisters in a small hillside church has helped me to remember. It doesn't matter which continent I live on. Or which ministry I am serving in. What matters is Jesus. His sacrifice. His love.
My life is but a vapor.
I want to use my limited time loving God.
I want my life to be a response to His great love for me.
I love this song. You have probably never heard it...unless you are old like me.
One day a plain village woman
Driven by love for her Lord
Recklessly poured out a valuable essence
Disregarding the scorn
And once it was broken and spilled out
A fragrance filled all the room
Like a prisoner released from his shackles
Like a spirit set free from the tomb
Broken and spilled out
Just for love of you Jesus
My most precious treasure
Lavished on Thee
Broken and spilled out
And poured at Your feet
In sweet abandon
Let me be spilled out
And used up for Thee
Lord You were God's precious treasure
His loved and His own perfect Son
Sent here to show me
The love of the Father
Just for love it was done
And though You were perfect and holy
You gave up Yourself willingly
You spared no expense for my pardon
You were used up and wasted for me
Broken and spilled out
Just for love of me Jesus
God's most precious treasure
Lavished on me
You were broken and spilled out
And poured at my feet
In sweet abandon Lord
You were spilled out and used up for Me
(Steve Green)
I sat there on the wooden bench, tears streaming down my face. I could barely take the bread from the passing tray. My vision was blurred and my heart was aching. I didn't expect the emotion to swell up and spill down my face. It took me by surprise.
My sin cost Jesus His life. But because of His blood I am able to approach GOD without guilt or shame. It's too much.
Jesus knew. He knew what He was facing, and He chose to follow through.
Recently, I have lost sight of my purpose. I have been feeling lost. The last couple of days I have been having a hard time seeing anything clearly.
Taking Communion with my African brothers and sisters in a small hillside church has helped me to remember. It doesn't matter which continent I live on. Or which ministry I am serving in. What matters is Jesus. His sacrifice. His love.
My life is but a vapor.
I want to use my limited time loving God.
I want my life to be a response to His great love for me.
I love this song. You have probably never heard it...unless you are old like me.
One day a plain village woman
Driven by love for her Lord
Recklessly poured out a valuable essence
Disregarding the scorn
And once it was broken and spilled out
A fragrance filled all the room
Like a prisoner released from his shackles
Like a spirit set free from the tomb
Broken and spilled out
Just for love of you Jesus
My most precious treasure
Lavished on Thee
Broken and spilled out
And poured at Your feet
In sweet abandon
Let me be spilled out
And used up for Thee
Lord You were God's precious treasure
His loved and His own perfect Son
Sent here to show me
The love of the Father
Just for love it was done
And though You were perfect and holy
You gave up Yourself willingly
You spared no expense for my pardon
You were used up and wasted for me
Broken and spilled out
Just for love of me Jesus
God's most precious treasure
Lavished on me
You were broken and spilled out
And poured at my feet
In sweet abandon Lord
You were spilled out and used up for Me
(Steve Green)
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