I need a bit more time.
I am not ready yet to share about Uganda and coming home.
I am still processing and grieving and rejoicing.
Yep. I am pretty messed up.
Friday, March 25, 2011
We Pray For The Children
by Ina J Hughs
We pray for children
who sneak popsicles before supper,
who erase holes in math workbooks,
who throw tantrums in the grocery store and pick at their food,
who like ghost stories,
who can never find their shoes.
And we pray for those
who stare at photographers behind barbed wire,
who can’t bound down the street in a pair of new sneakers,
who are born in places we wouldn’t be caught dead,
who never go to the circus
who live in an X-rated world.
We pray for children
who sleep with the dog and bury the goldfish
who bring us sticky kisses and fistfuls of dandelions,
who get visits from the tooth fairy,
who hug us in a hurry and forget their lunch money.
And we pray for those
who never get dessert,
who have no safe blanket to drag behind them,
who watch their parents watch them die,
who can’t find any bread to steal,
who don’t have any rooms to clean up,
whose pictures aren’t on anybody’s dresser,
whose monsters are real.
We pray for children
who spend all their allowance before Tuesday,
who shove dirty clothes under the bed, and never rinse out the tub,
who don’t like to be kissed in front of the carpool,
who squirm in church or temple and scream in the phone,
whose tears we sometimes laugh at and
whose smiles can make us cry.
And we pray for those
whose nightmares come in the daytime,
who will eat anything,
who have never seen a dentist,
who aren’t spoiled by anybody,
who go to bed hungry and cry themselves to sleep,
who live and move, but have no being.
We pray for children who want to be carried
and for those who must,
for those we never give up on and
for those who don’t get a second chance.
for those we smother...
and for those who will grab the hand of anybody kind enough to offer it.
We pray for children
who sneak popsicles before supper,
who erase holes in math workbooks,
who throw tantrums in the grocery store and pick at their food,
who like ghost stories,
who can never find their shoes.
And we pray for those
who stare at photographers behind barbed wire,
who can’t bound down the street in a pair of new sneakers,
who are born in places we wouldn’t be caught dead,
who never go to the circus
who live in an X-rated world.
We pray for children
who sleep with the dog and bury the goldfish
who bring us sticky kisses and fistfuls of dandelions,
who get visits from the tooth fairy,
who hug us in a hurry and forget their lunch money.
And we pray for those
who never get dessert,
who have no safe blanket to drag behind them,
who watch their parents watch them die,
who can’t find any bread to steal,
who don’t have any rooms to clean up,
whose pictures aren’t on anybody’s dresser,
whose monsters are real.
We pray for children
who spend all their allowance before Tuesday,
who shove dirty clothes under the bed, and never rinse out the tub,
who don’t like to be kissed in front of the carpool,
who squirm in church or temple and scream in the phone,
whose tears we sometimes laugh at and
whose smiles can make us cry.
And we pray for those
whose nightmares come in the daytime,
who will eat anything,
who have never seen a dentist,
who aren’t spoiled by anybody,
who go to bed hungry and cry themselves to sleep,
who live and move, but have no being.
We pray for children who want to be carried
and for those who must,
for those we never give up on and
for those who don’t get a second chance.
for those we smother...
and for those who will grab the hand of anybody kind enough to offer it.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Do You Trust Me?
Parenting kids who have experienced trauma is hard.
They don't believe you. They have been hurt and disappointed. Abandoned and cast aside. We show up with all of our good intentions and many times disappoint them yet again. Their hearts are heavily guarded and rightly so. Fear of another loss can grip them so tightly they wont let in the good just to ensure they can keep out the bad.
I have looked my beautiful daughter in the eyes and seen her fear. I have instructed her and watched her defy me simply because she thinks she knows better.
It has made me furious.
I am an adult. I can see past the situation and know what is best.
It has broken my heart. I want to take care of her but she wont let me.
Looking at her, I have asked, do you trust me? I see that she wants too but is so scared. What if...The possibility of pain is what she knows.
I see me in her. I see how God, my father, looks at me and asks the very same question. Do you trust ME?
Can you close your eyes
to the circumstance
to the past
to the pain you have endured
and trust ME?
They don't believe you. They have been hurt and disappointed. Abandoned and cast aside. We show up with all of our good intentions and many times disappoint them yet again. Their hearts are heavily guarded and rightly so. Fear of another loss can grip them so tightly they wont let in the good just to ensure they can keep out the bad.
I have looked my beautiful daughter in the eyes and seen her fear. I have instructed her and watched her defy me simply because she thinks she knows better.
It has made me furious.
I am an adult. I can see past the situation and know what is best.
It has broken my heart. I want to take care of her but she wont let me.
Looking at her, I have asked, do you trust me? I see that she wants too but is so scared. What if...The possibility of pain is what she knows.
I see me in her. I see how God, my father, looks at me and asks the very same question. Do you trust ME?
Can you close your eyes
to the circumstance
to the past
to the pain you have endured
and trust ME?
r.a.d.
i cant pinpoint when it happened.
when my life became so different.
but it has changed so much.
cps
rad
ptsd
odd
adhd
fas
iep
psr
all of those little letters....make up the life i live. the life my children live.
some days it is all consuming. other days i almost forget.
most days i am sure that the only three letters that really matter are:
GOD
He has a plan and a purpose.
He is Healer
He is Comforter
He has all I need
dont get me wrong. we do the appointments. we have a support team.
we get kicked out of sunday school and not invited to parties....grandparents are scared.
and
so.are.we.
but we carry on. doing what we know to do. finding out what else we can do.
we love
we fight
we cry
we restrain...
we supervise
we explain the letters to the kids who have them and the kids who live with them
we will not be defined by this. we will not make excuses
we are working on it
we learn compassion
we learn to ask for help
we learn to not judge others because we dont know what they have been through
we find out we are strong
we find out we are weak
we find out WE ARE NOT ALONE
stupid letters are nothing compared to the GOD we serve.
and the kids we love.
and those who share this crazy this journey with us.
when my life became so different.
but it has changed so much.
cps
rad
ptsd
odd
adhd
fas
iep
psr
all of those little letters....make up the life i live. the life my children live.
some days it is all consuming. other days i almost forget.
most days i am sure that the only three letters that really matter are:
GOD
He has a plan and a purpose.
He is Healer
He is Comforter
He has all I need
dont get me wrong. we do the appointments. we have a support team.
we get kicked out of sunday school and not invited to parties....grandparents are scared.
and
so.are.we.
but we carry on. doing what we know to do. finding out what else we can do.
we love
we fight
we cry
we restrain...
we supervise
we explain the letters to the kids who have them and the kids who live with them
we will not be defined by this. we will not make excuses
we are working on it
we learn compassion
we learn to ask for help
we learn to not judge others because we dont know what they have been through
we find out we are strong
we find out we are weak
we find out WE ARE NOT ALONE
stupid letters are nothing compared to the GOD we serve.
and the kids we love.
and those who share this crazy this journey with us.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Dreaming
The countdown has begun...
Only 3 weeks till I leave my beloved Uganda. I think I have moved past grief to acceptance. I am defiantly sitting in the wonder of it. I got to live in Africa with my family. A dream come true. So now the dream I can surrender.
How amazing that God sees us and knows us.
When I got married at nineteen, I still believed in dreaming. At the age of twenty four with four kids, I started to let go of my dreams. When I found myself turning 30 with seven children, I gave up dreaming because I was stuck in a nightmare.
Some how.
Slowly
by
Slowly
God has awakened my heart to dream.
He is giving me the courage to see beyond myself.
Past me I find HIM. The reason for dreaming. The one in whom I hope. The giver of all good things.
My Savior.
Only 3 weeks till I leave my beloved Uganda. I think I have moved past grief to acceptance. I am defiantly sitting in the wonder of it. I got to live in Africa with my family. A dream come true. So now the dream I can surrender.
How amazing that God sees us and knows us.
When I got married at nineteen, I still believed in dreaming. At the age of twenty four with four kids, I started to let go of my dreams. When I found myself turning 30 with seven children, I gave up dreaming because I was stuck in a nightmare.
Some how.
Slowly
by
Slowly
God has awakened my heart to dream.
He is giving me the courage to see beyond myself.
Past me I find HIM. The reason for dreaming. The one in whom I hope. The giver of all good things.
My Savior.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
December in Uganda
I love living in a foreign land.
It is so challenging to me in so many ways. I am grateful for the challenges. I don't want to be the same. I love it when I have to think about why I do what I do, and is there a different way? To live, to love, to celebrate, to worship...
Christmastime in Uganda is so very different than the States.
1. It is HOT.
We got here in the summer (July) and it is getting hotter each month. We are NOT having hot chocolate or sitting by a fire. We are sitting in front of a fan with cold water!
2. Shopping.
We do have a mall. We go there sometimes for a bite to eat or to the "big" grocery store that is there but NEVER would I buy clothes there. For clothes we go to Owino Market. Picture a garage sale/flea market/salvation army X a million. Cause that's how many people are there... There are no Carols playing or beautiful displays, just shouting and shoving and very bad smells.
3. No Holiday programs or Festivities.
I saw a couple of Christmas tree's in a grocery store but other than that there are no Christmas tree lots. No Lights or lawn decorations. No kids singing Happy Birthday Jesus...(lol Melissa) No nativity out on display. Our schedule is not crazy with parties or events.
4. List for Santa.
My kids have not asked for a million things for Christmas this year. I am sure it has something to do with the fact that all of their friends have tattered clothing and live without running water or power. But also, We have NO television. No commercials. No Target. No mall Santa. We are so removed from all of the pressure to buy. I am praying we find a Santa to take a picture with but only if he is black! I want an African Santa in Africa!
5. Our family.
We are far from our family. That makes it feel like its not Christmas. The internet is amazing, but it is not the same as gathering for a meal, or baking cookies, or caroling. We love you family. We miss you so very much! Thank you for sending gifts and showing us love while we are far away. We will see you soon!
It is so challenging to me in so many ways. I am grateful for the challenges. I don't want to be the same. I love it when I have to think about why I do what I do, and is there a different way? To live, to love, to celebrate, to worship...
Christmastime in Uganda is so very different than the States.
1. It is HOT.
We got here in the summer (July) and it is getting hotter each month. We are NOT having hot chocolate or sitting by a fire. We are sitting in front of a fan with cold water!
2. Shopping.
We do have a mall. We go there sometimes for a bite to eat or to the "big" grocery store that is there but NEVER would I buy clothes there. For clothes we go to Owino Market. Picture a garage sale/flea market/salvation army X a million. Cause that's how many people are there... There are no Carols playing or beautiful displays, just shouting and shoving and very bad smells.
3. No Holiday programs or Festivities.
I saw a couple of Christmas tree's in a grocery store but other than that there are no Christmas tree lots. No Lights or lawn decorations. No kids singing Happy Birthday Jesus...(lol Melissa) No nativity out on display. Our schedule is not crazy with parties or events.
4. List for Santa.
My kids have not asked for a million things for Christmas this year. I am sure it has something to do with the fact that all of their friends have tattered clothing and live without running water or power. But also, We have NO television. No commercials. No Target. No mall Santa. We are so removed from all of the pressure to buy. I am praying we find a Santa to take a picture with but only if he is black! I want an African Santa in Africa!
5. Our family.
We are far from our family. That makes it feel like its not Christmas. The internet is amazing, but it is not the same as gathering for a meal, or baking cookies, or caroling. We love you family. We miss you so very much! Thank you for sending gifts and showing us love while we are far away. We will see you soon!
Merry Christmas
Can you hear the baby crying?
that’s the sound of God denying himself
Taking on the form of man in flesh
Can you see the virgin weeping?
That’s the pain required for keeping God’s great promise
to deliver us from death
Merry Christmas to all mankind
The King is coming just in time
Into the dark, His light will shine so bright and beautiful
Merry Christmas to all
Can you hear the angels singing?
Oh that’s the sound of freedom reigning and ringing
Like a bell declaring peace, the war has ended
Can you see the shepherds coming?
Like a prophecy, a symbol of His prodigal, returning
to the father who, so humbly, condescended
Merry Christmas to all mankind
The King is coming just in time
Into the dark, His light will shine so bright and beautiful
Merry Christmas to all
Can we hear the nations crying?
Or have we closed our ears? Somehow justifying
how we celebrate the humble birth of Jesus
Do we see the poor and hungry?
Will we meet their needs? Or close our eyes and spend our money
on things we know will never satisfy us
Merry Christmas to all mankind
The King is coming just in time
Into the dark, His light will shine so bright and beautiful
Merry Christmas to all
words and music by ross king ©2010 ross king
that’s the sound of God denying himself
Taking on the form of man in flesh
Can you see the virgin weeping?
That’s the pain required for keeping God’s great promise
to deliver us from death
Merry Christmas to all mankind
The King is coming just in time
Into the dark, His light will shine so bright and beautiful
Merry Christmas to all
Can you hear the angels singing?
Oh that’s the sound of freedom reigning and ringing
Like a bell declaring peace, the war has ended
Can you see the shepherds coming?
Like a prophecy, a symbol of His prodigal, returning
to the father who, so humbly, condescended
Merry Christmas to all mankind
The King is coming just in time
Into the dark, His light will shine so bright and beautiful
Merry Christmas to all
Can we hear the nations crying?
Or have we closed our ears? Somehow justifying
how we celebrate the humble birth of Jesus
Do we see the poor and hungry?
Will we meet their needs? Or close our eyes and spend our money
on things we know will never satisfy us
Merry Christmas to all mankind
The King is coming just in time
Into the dark, His light will shine so bright and beautiful
Merry Christmas to all
words and music by ross king ©2010 ross king
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