D.C. by Laney

It was so hard to say goodbye to all the people I love. I was an emotional wreck last night. But D.C is great! It is so cool. It was cloudy and humid. I am likeing it a lot. The greenery is really pretty.
There is some people I didn't get to say bye to that i really wish i could have. I wish I could bring them with me. But I guess goodbye is a part of life that most of us wish we didn't have to do.
I an really happy that god has an unbeatable plan. If I had the plan for my life it would stink! I can barley manage my Facebook! I totally trust god and I know that he has a perfect plan which is always really good to know. I think that I worry about everything too much... and here I am writing about trusting god. I think that is one of the things I need to work on. I pray for that to happen daily.
I know it sounds kinda weird but I use to think asking God for stuff was selfish when there are sooo many orphans in the world who have nothing but recently God has showed me it is ok to want stuff. And lately God has givin me soo much but I remember this verse that said ask and you shall receive and it goes on ...

Luke 11:9 “And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. 10 For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.

I am glad I have a God who knows my wants and need.



-Laney

Hey God.

I am having a really hard day. Can You help me? It is so easy for me to depend on You for all of the big stuff. But I am so worried about the little stuff. The suitcases being to heavy, the children freaking out on the plane, getting to the capitol building at 8 am, having the right documents copied and stored, tying the loose ends at home....can You help me with all of that stuff too? I am so weary and our journey has not yet begun. I can feel the wave of emotion coming but I am scared to let it flow. Will You hold me close and be my daddy? I am really sad and lonely. Even though there are so many people around. Did You feel like that when You were here? It's been so busy lately and I miss just sitting in your presence. I need you.
Thank you for my Jeremy. You really out did Yourself there. Can You help him too? He is doing a great job caring for us but I'm a little worried about him too. Give him what he needs. Speak to Him through Your word as he leads our family. And please be with the children. My heart hurts for them. Each one of them is dealing with their emotions differently and sometimes I don't know what to do or how to help them. Please be their comfort and strength. Give them the grace they need to get through this transition. Protect them God, physically and mentally and spiritually. Help them to keep their innocence Lord. This seems like too much for them but I trust You and Your will for our family.
Thank You for Your provision. Thank You for Your peace.
I do so love You.
Amen.

Jeremy Howard and the terrible, horrible, no good very bad day.

My poor husband.

Wow, his day sucked today! His life in general is quite hard, though I may never tell him that. It started with a sleeping in wife and three loud children, and quickly progressed into a complete redo of yucky paperwork for the secretary of state, a couple hundred dollars in fees (that shouldn't have been because he did the paperwork before), and sprinkled in was a trip to the locksmith, 3 calls to tmobile for phone problems, a cranky wife, and seven kids.

LUCKILY

The day ended great. We had a combined birthday party for our July babies. It was so much fun! We are really blessed beyond measure with friends and family who love and support us. Our kids were spoiled rotten and our non birthday children celebrated without much envy or tantrums. (in our house this is no small miracle!)

I keep trying to enjoy every second of everyday that I am here. It is not so easy. Life is hard. It always makes me think of Jesus. It cracks me up that people thought He was a drunk and a glutton.(Luke 7:31-34) I love that about Him. But Jesus did not have a life of luxury or laziness. His life was hard. Right up until His even harder death. I have a hard time "taking up my cross daily and following Him" but I want to be a disciple. I really want my life to reflect my commitment to and love for Jesus.

I am never sure who reads my blog. I don't know if you are familiar with Jesus or the story of His life but I am changed by it. Hopefully more and more and more and more until people don't really see me, but see Jesus in me. If you read this and consider yourself a Christian, or someone who follows the teachings of Jesus, will you read this passage today? And will you ask God what it is He wants from you?

Luke 9 (New International Version)

Jesus Sends Out the Twelve
1When Jesus had called the Twelve together, he gave them power and authority to drive out all demons and to cure diseases, 2and he sent them out to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick. 3He told them: "Take nothing for the journey—no staff, no bag, no bread, no money, no extra tunic. 4Whatever house you enter, stay there until you leave that town. 5If people do not welcome you, shake the dust off your feet when you leave their town, as a testimony against them." 6So they set out and went from village to village, preaching the gospel and healing people everywhere.

7Now Herod the tetrarch heard about all that was going on. And he was perplexed, because some were saying that John had been raised from the dead, 8others that Elijah had appeared, and still others that one of the prophets of long ago had come back to life. 9But Herod said, "I beheaded John. Who, then, is this I hear such things about?" And he tried to see him.

Jesus Feeds the Five Thousand
10When the apostles returned, they reported to Jesus what they had done. Then he took them with him and they withdrew by themselves to a town called Bethsaida, 11but the crowds learned about it and followed him. He welcomed them and spoke to them about the kingdom of God, and healed those who needed healing.

12Late in the afternoon the Twelve came to him and said, "Send the crowd away so they can go to the surrounding villages and countryside and find food and lodging, because we are in a remote place here."

13He replied, "You give them something to eat."

They answered, "We have only five loaves of bread and two fish—unless we go and buy food for all this crowd." 14(About five thousand men were there.)

But he said to his disciples, "Have them sit down in groups of about fifty each." 15The disciples did so, and everybody sat down. 16Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke them. Then he gave them to the disciples to set before the people. 17They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over.
Peter's Confession of Christ
18Once when Jesus was praying in private and his disciples were with him, he asked them, "Who do the crowds say I am?"

19They replied, "Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, that one of the prophets of long ago has come back to life."

20"But what about you?" he asked. "Who do you say I am?"
Peter answered, "The Christ[a] of God."

21Jesus strictly warned them not to tell this to anyone. 22And he said, "The Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life."

23Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. 24For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. 25What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self? 26If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels. 27I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the kingdom of God."

the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth

I have promised to be 100% honest on this blog. I think for the most part I am. I mean there are somethings that are private and nobody's business... but I just read my last couple of blog posts and realized they may not be an accurate representation of Beth Howard.

I get angry often.
My kids make me CRAZY!
Today I dropped the "f" bomb more than once. (so not proud of that)
I took a zanax when I had to say goodbye to my mom.
I watch Housewives of Orange County to feel better about myself.

I do not know who reads this blog...there seem to be some serious lurkers. But these are some things you might not know about me. And might wish you never knew.

Our friend preached a message and used us as an example of someone following God despite the cost. He made us sound a lot better than I feel we may be. I mean, we are much better than we were but still.

This crap is really hard.

H
A
R
D

Some days, I can barely speak, I am so overwhelmed. The moving, the goodbyes, the kindness... it jacks me BIG TIME! I am so scared some days I can't stand it. It really messes with your head. Living life with no plan, no job, no insurance, no retirement, no real savings. I mean, Who does that????

And then in one day God gives us 1600 dollars. seriously?!?!?!
Does He know I just dropped the "F" bomb???

Things are moving right along.

As I type this everything we own is in the back of a pickup truck parked in our "old" driveway or in the millenium falcon.(our very large 12 passenger van) After garage sales and giveaways, we have finally made it! We are out of our house and on our way. A huge step closer to Africa and a huge step away from our old life.

It has been great to have Jeremy home. We for sure butt heads as we try to figure out our roles as full time co parents. I have noticed a huge difference in our kids attitude and behavior. We all love Jeremy so much. He really is the best.

I am writing tonight from the Barbie Dream House. God has blessed us yet again beyond our wildest dreams. My sweet friend and her awesome husband gave us refuge in their beautiful pool house. Seriously, the kids are in heaven. We came today to get the keys and drop off some bags and then we all just sat in the living room and thanked God for His provision. I LOVE WALKING IN FAITH! Today, anyway.

I am so grateful that we serve a God who loves us. A God who knows us. A God who wants to take care of us. A God who is close to us. I didn't really believe all of that before. I didn't think I was worth it. I didn't think I needed it. I was scared to trust God with some things. But the Lord has won me over with his faithfulness. I will forever sing the Praises of my God. I realize this may sound churchy to some of you who read this. I hate churchy. But I feel like one of those lovesick teenagers at the Twilight movies.

Totally and irrevocably in love with my Savior.

oh dear...

We are in the final crunch time. Our sweet friends will be moving into our house this weekend. I should take a picture to show you how HORRIBLE it looks in here but I am just too tired to get up and do it.

The last ten days have been full of things I thought would never happen.
1. My older children went on a trip with their Grandparents for 7 whole days!
2. We sent off for our visas.
3. We said goodbye to our students and church family and to our dear friends who will be church planting in Vermont. (lots of tears. very sad.)
4. We took our babies to a Geneticist and found out they have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

I never thought my life would be like this. I have grieved this week for my children. The healthy ones, and the "special" ones. I have cried because I am not sure if I can be a good mother to my kids with their many different needs. Jeremy and I chose this life with open eyes. My babies did nothing wrong and yet they will be the ones living with the consequences of their mothers choices. I'm not mad at her... I have wept for her in all of this because she is so broken and sad too. My older kids will also be affected by this diagnosis. It is really scary not knowing what to expect.

I have cried for the loss of normalcy as we count down the days to Africa. While I was packing I came across a picture of my hair when it was cute and it made me cry. Ridiculous, I know, but here I sit ready to cry over it again. I hate change and I just want to stay comfortable!

But I can't.
I won't.

God has called us on. We will be obedient. For no other reason than this. God has restored our life to us. Jeremy and I have made it through addiction, being a blended family, unemployment, success, and failure...all because of the grace of God. We gladly give Him our lives because He is the one who has helped us to really live.

He will take care of our children.
He will comfort us through these changes.
He will be enough for us.
He will meet our every need.
He will be Matty's father while we are gone.


Psalm 23
A psalm of David.
1 The Lord is my shepherd;
I have all that I need.
2 He lets me rest in green meadows;
he leads me beside peaceful streams.
3 He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
bringing honor to his name.
4 Even when I walk
through the darkest valley,[a]
I will not be afraid,
for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
protect and comfort me.
5 You prepare a feast for me
in the presence of my enemies.
You honor me by anointing my head with oil.
My cup overflows with blessings.
6 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord
forever.

Happy Father's Day to my Baby Daddy

Happy Fathers Day to my wonderful husband!

I am so blessed to have you as the father of my children. When we started our family so long ago we were just kids ourselves. There were many fights and lots of sleepless nights, but I never met a dad more devoted. You always worried about the babies getting enough physical touch. You made sure to rub their feet and massage their little bodies. You talked to them and held them close. It was amazing to see you as their dad when I had known you as such an obnoxious teenager.





When we decided to do foster care and to adopt I was again amazed as so many other husbands would not rise up to such a challenge. But after only one meeting you were committed. Through all of the hard times, and times were pretty hard, you loved our kids and never held back your love from them. You were a constant in their very inconsistent lives. I will never forget sitting in the courtroom as the judge terminated rights to 4 punitive fathers for one of our children and I cried so hard. I was so grateful that this child would have a father, a loving father who would fight for them and never leave them. You have changed the course of their life because you are willing to do what their own biological fathers wouldn't or couldn't. Thanks for loving our kids.



P.J., Pastor Jeremy, Dude. There are many kids who have no other positive male role model. I am constantly amazed at you as pastor. The way you love your students is incredible. Dropping off Popsicles for sad kids, rejoicing in the victories of others, you have made your place forever in their hearts. As we move on from this position I know God will bring a new pastor for your students but they will always be a part of our extended family. You have done a great job teaching them about their Heavenly Father and that will stick with them long after we are gone.



I LOVE that you are crazy and funny and thoughtful and compassionate. Thanks for being such a great dad to so many kids. Thanks for never quitting. Thanks for sticking around to be my baby daddy. I love you.