Garage Sale

Can there be anything more exposing than a garage sale? Shlepping out all of your used items. Parking them in your driveway for all of the neighborhood to pilfer through and name their price. I am so tired this morning as I sit in my lawn chair typing this post. It is 6:25 am and I am sitting braless with yesterdays makeup with all of my earthly treasure scattered around me. Yep. Exposed. And I am not sure I like what I see....

I am a bargain shopper. I rarely ever buy something that is not on sale. I try to buy used ie; Craigslist or Ebay when possible. I consider myself thrifty. But looking around at my Garage Sale I feel nothing but REMORSE, GUILT, and a side of REGRET.

Matthew 6:19-21 (New Living Translation)

¹⁹ “Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰ Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. ²¹ Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.

I feel those things because I can see what has been so important to be. I have been controlled by these "things". Buying them, washing them, finding a place to store them. Needing more, wanting more, shopping for the best price so I can afford MORE. And for what? So I cna sit out here in my PJ's freezing my butt off peddling my wares to the highest bidder. I have a word for that...Bullshhh. Use your imagination.

I am shallow. So very shallow. I have tried to live my life based on the Bible. And in this area I have FAILED. Big time. What I do know is that God will forgive me. I will have another chance. And I will make a better choice.

I am grateful for this journey. I am grateful God will use my life despite myself. I am grateful my neighbor is not checking out my saggy girls as he leaves for work.... Seriously. If you can't laugh at yourself what else is there?

Anybody want to buy some crap?

b.r.a.t.

I hate bratty kids.
Here is my definition of bratty...

foot stomping,

attention seeking,

UN-grateful,

all about ME attitude.


Too bad I just defined MYSELF.

I am not always bratty. Sometimes I am a servant. Sometimes I am patient and kind. Most of the time I am grateful. But this whole week of Spring Break I have been a brat with capital "B".

Our family is going through some big life changes. We have no idea what is going to happen. The not knowing is taking its toll on our family. It is as if we are being held hostage emotionally. (I'm not a drama queen or anything.)It is hard to grieve the loss of our position as youth pastor and the leaving of our church because we are still pastoring and attending for the next few months. We are not really able to prepare for where we are going because WE DON"T KNOW where we will end up.
I find myself stomping my foot at the Lord. I wanna know NOW where we are going and what we will be doing. I want to know how to prepare!!!

My only comfort is found in the Bible and in the lives of many others who have given their lives over to the Lord no matter the cost.


James 4:13-15
Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that."

Matthew(the Message)
26-28Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

Jeremiah 29:11-12
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. 13 If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.



We cannot seek achievement for ourselves and forget about progress and prosperity for our community... Our ambitions must be broad enough to include the aspirations and needs of others, for their sakes and for our own.
Cesar Chavez



Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person.
Mother Teresa




Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
Martin Luther King, Jr.



Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment.And the second is like it:Love your neighbor as yourself
Jesus



All of these things inspire me. They help me to realize that I am POWERLESS. But My God is POWERFUL.
I trust HIS character.
I trust HIS timing.
I believe in HIS provision.
I know that "Those HE calls, HE also equips."



So I guess I will stop being a brat. At least for a little while.....

“All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.”



I don't know much about Anatole France, the man who wrote these words but I am painfully aware of the melancholy of change. As I sit here faced with so much uncertainty I am beyond overwhelmed. I have longed for, prayed for, dreamed of becoming a missionary. Since I was a little girl my heart has been burdened for the poor and for the orphaned. I remember making my mom call Feed The Children and pledge all of the change I had saved in my Swiss Miss coffee can to help feed the starving children of Ethiopia. I thought my dreams were realized when I got to leave the country and spend two weeks loving kids and teenagers in Ireland. When I went to Africa two years later I felt I could die happy. And now here we are, my family and I, preparing to leave the best job we have ever had, while things are still going great, because God is calling us on. I feel like part of me is really dying. Sometimes it is hard to catch my breathe. The future seems so daunting. Yet I know that God is with me. He never changes. He loves me. He has a plan for my life. He is working things out for us. My life is not my own. It belongs to my Savior. My Creator. The lifter of my head.

OBSESSION

Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion, often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety.

BURDEN

Something that is carried.


1. Something that is emotionally difficult to bear.
2. A source of great worry or stress; weight:

A responsibility or duty.


I am Obsessed.
I am so heavily Burdened.

I think about orphans everyday. Children big and little with no parents to care for them, or to love them, or to teach them. It is seriously overwhelming at times. I know God has given each of us a burden. For some of my friends it is the unborn or the environment or keeping the gays from being able to marry... I don't have much time to think about any of those things because I am so obsessed with the orphans. I want it to stop. I keep trying to give it back to God. What else can I do God? What can I do?
Today I will pray. I will pray for the children who may never have their own mother or father. I will pray for families in the process of their adoption. I will pray for the Grandmas trying their best to care for their Grandchildren. Mostly I will pray that we all come to find the Precious Savior who adopts us into His family.


Ephesians 1:3-6

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding.

Baby Button

Romans 8:28 (The Message)
26-28Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

My baby Jemma is about to turn two. She was a totally surprise to us...especially to me. With all of the other children there was some time of preparation. With three of them it was the nine months I was pregnant, with one it was my courtship with his father, and with two it was whispers from God and through much prayer that we were able to prepare.
The phone call came without warning although I was waiting for a call. It was September 24th 2008 and the court hearing for our foster baby Sam. We had loved him and prayed over him for nine long months and on this day we were to find out if he would be ours forever. On the other end of the line was a dear friend who is also a social worker and what she told me was unfathomable. Our Sammy's mother had come to the court hearing that day to fight for her rights to remain Sams parent and while she was there went into labor in the courtroom with Sammy's sister. My friend was asking me if we would be willing to bring home the baby for 2 weeks until her father took a paternity test and got custody. My heart was screaming NO!!!!! but I heard my voice say yes. This was overwhelming to me because it meant we would now have to wait to find out if we would be able to adopt Sam and also because I didn't know if my heart could love another baby that may end up going back home. My sweet husband told me we would love this baby with no reservation for as long as we were to have her. He said although we don't know the future God does and He will help us with whatever the outcome. I know you are probably thinking awww what an amazing man... All I could think was how he slept so soundly while I did the midnight feedings with all of our children! This was no joke. In the last year our family had gone from being large with 4 kids to being out of control with 6. What would i do with a baby? I don't even like babies! I am a youth leader! Well 12 days later I went with a precious friend to pick up our new baby from the hospital. She was so little and cute. We dubbed her Baby Button. She was by far the worst baby we ever had. She experienced withdraw symptoms as she had been born drug exposed. It was quite literally hell. For times sake I will not explain all of this but bring you up to date. Our little baby is turning two this month. She is the apple of her daddy's eye. Not her biological father (who never took the paternity test and whose paternal rights were terminated by the judge on the grounds of abandonment) but by the only father she has ever known. She is still technically an orphan as we have not yet finished the adoption process. But my little orphaned baby has been here with us from the beginning of her life. Isn't God amazing.


Sidenote: Our babies biological mother is still apart of their lives. She is a welcome addition to our family and we are so thankful to have a relationship with her.


Romans 8:28 (New Living Translation)
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

i know 2 things...

So I have alot of kids...but each one of them is an individual. They have their own personalities, tastes, and abilities. But they are all my children. I love them so much. One of the hardest parts of being a mom to a large family is there never seems to be enough of me to go around. God used this to teach me an amazing lesson. I was weeping, like snot dripping crying. I felt so alone. I cried out to God and immediately He showed up. You see I loose sleep over orphaned children. I see their faces every night. It is a burden I can not explain except that God has removed their anonymity through the blending of my own family. God came to me and clearly spoke...As a mother you assess the situation and go to the child that needs you the most at that moment. But I am not hindered by humanness. I can be with the children who are hungry in Africa and at the same time be close to the widows in their loneliness. I am God. Your grief is no less significant to me. I love you. I am your father... Even as I write this I sense His presence. I am so overwhelmed by the depth of Gods love for me. With all He has on His plate He still has time for me. There are only two things of which I am very sure. 1. God has loved me with an everlasting love. I have at times tried to separate myself from Him. But He is always there. 2. He loves you just the same. One of my very favorite verses in the bible says this, " God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8 There is no such thing as being good enough. God will meet you wherever you are in whatever circumstance because He loves you.

James 1:27 (New International Version)

27Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.